Domestic and Family Violence
What is Domestic & Family Violence?
Domestic and Family Violence is when someone you are in a relationship with or a family member behaves in ways that make you feel fearful or unsafe.
Domestic and Family Violence crisis support
If you are currently in a harmful relationship, it is strongly recommended that you seek assistance in obtaining a Domestic Violence Protection Order for the safety of both you and your children.
Shelter referrals and support is available at The Women’s Centre
For women living with domestic violence, it is recommended that you have a safety plan to help in the event of an emergency.
Domestic and Family Violence counselling and healing
Our Specialist Homelessness Service provides support for women through intensive casework, and operates on an as needs basis following an initial assessment. Referrals can be made to our counsellors and into our therapy groups as necessary with ongoing appointments provided for emotional support and healing.
What is Domestic and Family Violence?
Domestic Violence is when someone you are in a relationship with someone who behaves in ways that make you feel fearful or unsafe. Domestic relationships are spousal, intimate or dating.
Family violence is a broader term, often used to include child abuse, elder abuse, and other violent acts between family members.
Domestic and family violence includes:
- Domestic and family violence includes:
- Physical violence
- Sexual violence
- Emotional and psychological abuse
- Financial abuse
- Domestic and family violence is manipulative and controlling.
Tactics may be used by your partner to maintain power and control in a relationship.
Examples are:
- Words or actions to intimidate or harass you
- Controlling your actions
- Stopping you seeing friends and family
- Damaging your property
- Forcing you to have sex
- Threatening you
Domestic and family violence can happen to any woman.
She may be of any age, status, religion, ethnicity or culture.
You have a right to feel safe
The physical and emotional safety of you and your children must come first.
Making the decision to leave or stay in a violent relationship is very difficult. There is support available to help you, either way.
People who experience this type of abuse or violence can feel very confused or ashamed. It is hard to accept that someone you love and have trusted can behave aggressively towards you. If you are unable to explain the other person’s behaviour, you may begin to think that you are to blame.
You are not to blame! It is not your fault!
You do not have to live with domestic violence. Everyone has a right to feel safe.
How this may be affecting you?
Domestic violence can affect you in all sorts of ways, which may include:
- Not sleeping properly
- Nausea or headaches
- Abusing alcohol or drugs
- Anxiety or depression
- Missing classes, or taking days off work
- Not communicating with your family or friends
- Feeling like you can’t trust people
- Losing touch with who you are and what is important to you, your own opinions and feelings
- Having less confidence in yourself
- Feeling alone and afraid to tell anyone
Protection Order
If you are currently in a harmful relationship, it is strongly recommended that you seek assistance in obtaining a Domestic Violence Protection Order for the safety of both you and your children. A Domestic Violence Protection Order is a civil court order designed to protect you from further violence.
Children, relatives or associates may also be protected in this order.
For more information and help with obtaining a Domestic Violence Protection Order in North Queensland, please contact the North Queensland Domestic Violence Resource Service.
(07) 47 212 888
Helpful tips to consider
- If you currently have a Domestic Violence Protection Order, it is strongly advised that you carry a copy of this with you at all times. This will ensure the necessary information is on hand if the perpetrator breaks the order.
- Keep a diary of relevant events. This may include; when the violence occurred, what happened, were police involved, police report number, whether you suffered any injuries (physical or emotional).
- Talk to someone you trust, such as a friend, relative or counsellor.
- See a doctor or the local hospital if you are injured or emotionally distressed.
- Seek support and counselling (keep these dates in your diary)
- Seek legal advice. In Townsville, contact NQ Women’s Legal Service.
- Whether you stay or leave, these safety plans and strategies may be of help to you. Sometimes it may not be easy or possible to leave, however remember that keeping yourself and your children safe is the most important thing you can do.
- Contact DVConnect on 1800 811 811 (24 Hrs Free call) if you are escaping domestic violence and you need a safe place to stay.
Safety Plan
For women living with domestic violence, it is recommended that you have a safety plan to help in the event of an emergency.
Suggestions include:
- Let supportive people know, tell family, friends and neighbours about what is happening.
- Decide on a reliable friend or family member you can contact if you feel threatened or in danger.
- Decide on a safe and reliable location you can go to if you feel unsafe.
- Practice travelling to the location that you have chosen as a safe place, both during the day and during the night.
- Decide what arrangements you will make to ensure the safety of your children. Let children know what to do in an emergency (where to go, who to telephone, e.g. the police and ambulance).
- Pack a bag with the following; money for a taxi, spare house keys and car keys, a change of clothes for you and the children, a list of emergency phone numbers, medications (even if only 2 days supply), important documents and identification.
- Keep this bag in a safe place, perhaps at a friend's house, where it is easily accessible.
- Important documents and identification may include; bank books or copies of bank statements, cheque books, passports, birth certificates, marriage certificate, tax file number and a copy of your last tax assessment, credit cards and car registration.
If you have time to plan your departure, you may also want to consider the following:
- Hiding your address book
- Taking a selection of photographs
- Making special arrangements for pets (you may contact DV Connect on 1800 811 811 or your local RSPCA for more information)
- Copying or taking house deeds and insurance documents, if applicable
- Furniture storage arrangements
Where possible, take all personal and household possessions. If you are unable to do so, police attendance may be arranged for appropriate protection, either at the time of leaving or at a later date if you wish to collect other belongings.
After leaving a violent partner:
- You can ask the electricity board, Telstra etc.to keep your forwarding address confidential
- Ask the school to let you know if he turns up there
- Use an answering machine to screen calls
Counselling and Healing
Healing from domestic and family violence, and other forms of abuse, can be hard but is possible!
It may be helpful to seek support from a counsellor who works in this area, as well as from a trusted friend or family member. Be aware that feelings of shame, confusion and worthlessness may prevent you from accessing support, but remember you have a right to be safe and to recover, and you are not to blame for the abuse and violence. Everyone has a right to feel safe and to be free from violence in their lives, including their home, their school, their workplace and in public spaces.
Living with domestic violence can affect you in many ways including a loss of confidence, a loss of belief in and connection with yourself, and you may feel really alone and different from others, adding to your isolation. You may also feel like it’s really hard to trust people or doubt whether people will believe you when you speak about your experiences. These are just a few of the ways in which domestic violence can undermine your strength and self-worth so it’s really important to recognise that these are direct impacts of the violence and not parts of you that are wrong or lacking.
We encourage you to stand against these impacts, and take some steps towards healing. Come in to The Women’s Centre where you will be treated with respect, supported as you explore your needs to heal and reclaim yourself from the personal devastation of domestic violence.
You have demonstrated courage so many times while surviving the violence; now allow courage to support you as you heal.
Focus on things that you enjoy or feel good at, to build your confidence
- Write your feelings down or keep a journal.
- Pay attention to and trust your feelings and gut instincts
- Believe that you don’t deserve to be treated this way
- Believe it’s not your fault that your partner behaves this way
- Be proud of the way you’ve been able to be strong and of the ways you have found to keep going when you’ve felt so much confusion, fear and hurt.
Children also need someone to talk to about what is happening in their home
Children are affected by domestic violence even if they have not seen the abuse or violence.
You can help a child who has experienced domestic violence in the following ways:
- Tell them that the violence is not their fault, and that using violence is never OK
- Give them permission to talk about the violence
- Help make a safety plan that they can follow
- Let them know that other children have had similar experiences